Sunday, May 30, 2010

Banned from Baby Showers

I found a new blog that I'm addicted to.

Oh, how I love how Donna writes!  She's so blunt and honest; very open and just great to "listen" to.  Do I agree with everything she says?  No.  But she's getting me to think about how I will want things when we have baby #2. And she's helping me to work through my fear of offending people.

If you know me, you know I am a perfectionist.  I want to be the best at everything, I'll admit it.  I'm not proud of it and I'm better about it than i used to be.  but when I became a mother, this took on a whole new dimension.

I wanted to be the perfect mom, even though I know there is no such thing.  I am very sensitive to criticism about my mothering.  I don't know how else to word it other than that is my soft spot.

But I'm trying to work through that.  It doesn't matter if other people don't understand or approve.  It really doesn't. (I'm repeating this over and over in my head.)

I love that Donna's blog is called Banned From Baby Showers.  Sometimes I feel this way.  Its hard for me to keep my mouth shut about some things.  Like co-sleeping.  The evidence is there that it is actually safer for babies to sleep in the same room as their mothers.  But what does American society push?  Cribs in a cute "nursery" where the baby can learn to be by themselves.  I'm not saying that's all bad.  shoot, we decorated Oliver's room and have a beautiful crib in there...that he's hardly ever been in. (And he'll be 2 in August.)  Most of my friends do not co-sleep.  To me, its really not the matter of whether you do it or not...its about being open to the idea of it.  Don't write it off.  Why would you NOT want to at least learn about something that can be SO beneficial to both you and your baby? I feel this way about pretty much all aspects of attachment parenting.

I have learned a lot in my short, limited amount of time as being a mother.  I have learned what its like to feel like your heart is wrenched out of your body when your baby is in pain.  I've learned to love like I never thought possible.  I've also learned how strong I can be. 

Its late, and I'm rambling.  I have so much more to say.  Stay tuned if you want to hear more (possible ramblings) about attachment parenting and natural childbirth/parenting.  This is something I feel so passionately about; reading Donna's blog has really gotten me back to thinking about all these things again.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Yesterday's house=no

The house was a no.

There were a few things I liked. And a LOT that we didn't like. And nothing that we loved.

It had a big front porch and nice size backyard. But the 1 car detached garage? It was falling in on itself.  It had new carpet, new paint. But the kitchen was pretty old and didn't have a dishwasher. We don't have a dishwasher now and its a pain in the butt. Especially with all the baking I do, and the 1,864,579 sippy cups we seem to go through.  The downstairs bathroom was really nice; the upstairs bathroom was dingy and didn't have a shower just a big old tub. Which wouldn't have been awful if it was, um, a bit cleaner feeling.  It also had the most random little doors on the kitchen and bedrrom walls. They were, like, 2 feet tall and 1 foot wide maybe? They were up at my eye level and had about 3 shelves inside. I'm sure I could find random stuff to put in there, but it was just weird. The rooms were all nice sizes.  I wasn't sure about the 2-story thing, either, and after climbing these stairs it was a no. The steps themselves were so small I had to turn my feet sideways to climb them. Not something I really want when holding a toddler. And if it was awkward for me, I know it was for Jay.

And the washer and dryer? Downstairs in the scary, smelly basement. Our clothes wouldnt even feel clean after being down there. It was BAD.

So we're back to looking.  Its frustrating because, like Brenda the realtor said, there are not a lot of nice houses for rent in town.  They are dumps.  Oh how I wish we could buy...but I just don't think we should...

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Still on the hunt

So we are still on the hunt for a new place to live.

We are going to look at a rental house tomorrow.  I don't know much about it other than what it looks like on the outside.  It would be wonderful if we looked at it and loved it and this could be the end of our search, lol, but that might be too easy!  I guess you never know.  It is a 2-story house and I'll really have to see how the upstairs is laid out.  I am leaning more toward having a 1-story house.  It would just be so nice for Oliver to be able to go into his room and play without it being a trip up the stairs, setting up the gates and me being up there with him.  Like I said, we'll have to see how its laid out.

Many, many people are telling us we should buy versus rent.  Would I rather buy?  ABSOLUTELY.  Do I think its the responsible thing to do right now?  Not so sure on that one.  Money is tight for us, I'll be the first to admit that.  While we may get financed to buy a home, the general maintenance on a home is what worries me.  If we would have anything, at all, go wrong, we dont have much of a savings to dip into.  As much as I would rather buy a home versus rent, I feel like we need to get ourselves a little more grounded first.  While I try not to think about it, the reality of Jay working in the auto industry means very possible lay-offs.  Those weeks where we are only getting unemployment are tough.  If we had another 3 month lay-off period like we went through last summer that would be extremely hard with owning a home.  I think it would be wiser to save for a down payment and be more financially secure.  I just don't think we need to dig ourselves into any more debt.

I keep reminding myself of what Pastor Jeff told me: "Don't let the world tell you what you need.  Oliver needs a mom and dad that love him, and each other.  Period."  I think of that over and over every day. 

Its hard when our friends have houses and we don't.  It really is.  But this is where we are at in our lives and God will bring us to a better place.  I have no doubts about that.  My problem is patience..I want that better place to come now!  I tend to run ahead of God's timeline...

So please, if you could just say a prayer for us that we find a home within our budget that we feel comfortable in, I would appreciate it so much.

Monday, May 17, 2010


One door shut.

Yesterday we heard of a possible place to rent.  Looking online this place looked PERFECT.  I mean, perfect.

I tried desperately to not get my hopes up.  But if you know me, you know I'm not good at that. At all.

So I called this morning and sure enough, they only rent under certain circumstances, none of which we meet. 

I had prayed and prayed that God would shut this door quickly if it wasn't going to work.  I didn't want to get upset if it didn't work out-ha.

Yesterday after church we were introduced to a realtor that deals with these particular properties, and when I talked to her today she said she will send out an email to her other agents and see what is available to rent.  So this must be a step forward, right?

Why do I always get my hopes up so early?  I hate when I do that. 

I'm desperate to get out of here.  I know God's timing is perfect, so I wish I would stop running ahead of Him!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm still here :)


(Oliver with my oven mits on)

Wow, its been awhile!  I'm sorry that I totally stink at updating my blog.  I do much better with my cake and cookies blog ( because it seems like that takes up most of my time--baking and decorating!!!

Oliver is getting soooo big.  I had to take him to the dr on Monday of this week and he ended up with a double ear infection.  Poor baby!  He rarely has those; its only his second ear infection ever.  Its hard to tell with him when his ears are bothering him, because he doesnt run a fever or tug at them.  Both times he has had an ear infection I have taken him to the dr because he develops a bad cough.  So I guess the cough is my clue. :)  Funny how you just learn these things as you go along.  These are the lessons that no parenting book can teach you!

Things are pretty uneventful with Jay's work.  He has been switched to a different "team" at work and they are working quite a few less hours.  Thats good because he gets to spend more time at home with Oliver and me.  Its bad because its cut his pay down by quite a bit.  I long for the day when we don't struggle with money.  I don't need to be rich; its not about "things."  I try desperately to give my money worries to the Lord yet I don't quite know how to just leave them.  I always pick those worries back up without even realizing it.

So, life is just life right now :-)  Every day is an adventure with Oliver and I love being his mom more than anything.  I never guessed how awesome it would be to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I am truly blessed :)