Its Almost Time!!!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and officially starts our holiday.

We will wake up tomorrow morning and have our presents from us under the tree for Oliver.  We'll open up gifts from each other, and then get ready for the day.  This year, Oliver is getting a train table, which is from Jays parents, so they are going to come over in the morning and be here when Oliver sees that.  In the early afternoon, we will leave to go to Mom's house.  Next year we will probably stay home for Christmas, so I'm looking forward to one more Christmas at Mom's.  Christmas Eve is also her birthday, so we'll celebrate that as well.  Tomorrow night we will go to my cousin's house and do a Christmas there.  Then go back to Mom's, put Oliver to bed, and get all the presents under the tree from her and my dad as well as all of Oliver's "santa" presents.

And yes, we do Santa.  So many people I know have an issue with it, but I don't.  I want Santa to be from us, and have him open his Santa gifts on Christmas morning wherever he is, but yes, we do Santa.  and I love it :)

Christmas morning my dad will come over to Mom's, and we'll open a few presents and wait for my brother and his family to get there.  In the mid-afternoon we'll leave to go to Jay's parents house, and do Christmas with them.  I know Oliver is going to be spoiled rotten by the time Christmas is over.

I cant wait for Christmas this year! Its so much fun when there are little kids around. 

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I wish...

...I was one of those people who kept up with my blog.  On a regular basis.

I'm just not.  One minute I'll feel in the mood to blog, have all these witty things in my head to say, and then I sit down at my laptop (since my phone doesnt support blogger)...

and nothing. 

Blah.

Video Games

Drive me crazy!!!! :-p

I cant write a post hearing this in the background.  So more later....

Postings

I started writing this post last week but saved it as a draft and just decided to publish it. 

So I havent been posting much on here lately.  There's a reason.

I dont have a lot of followers, and that's ok.  I honestly don't know how many people read my blog, and while I enjoy blogging, I still have a lot of issues with putting my private thoughts out there publicly.

Last May, Jay and I started talking about wanting another baby.  He was actually the first one to mention it- although its something we frequently talked about.  At the time I didnt think I was quite ready - if we had gotten pregnant that next cycle we would've had a baby sometime in February/March.  I wanted to wait until summer was over, or close to it, to start trying.  That would have meant our baby would've been due in May, and I had always wanted a May or June baby.

So in August we stopped preventing, and after my cycle that month I started keeping track of the days of my cycle more closely.  I was so sure that we would get pregnant easily.  After all, I was still taking birth control (admittedly, not well) when we conceived Oliver.  It was so, so easy.

I didnt really want a lot of people knowing this was our plan.  Not even family.  For one thing, I wanted to surprise people.  We got to surprise people when we announced our pregnancy with Oliver and it was so fun.  I also didn't want people asking me every month "are you pregnant yet?"  Hello, we told people right away with Oliver.  If I was pregnant, you would know.  Although we didnt try to hide it, we didnt go around talking about the fact that we were TTC.

In September I started taking early pregnancy tests as soon as I could.  They were negative, but I just thought it was too early.  I was honestly shocked when my period started that month and we hadnt conceived.  I just thought it was going to be that easy.  Looking back, it seems silly.

I thought we had so much control over it.  We had tried so hard before that to prevent it that I thought surely once we actually tried to have a baby, it would happen.  Surely.

God had other plans.

So our May baby wasn't going to happen.  I was sad, but tried not to get discouraged.  A June baby would be great too, after all.  I'd still have all summer with a newborn.

So October came.  And again, it didnt happen.  I was so sad, again.  My mom said we were probably destined to have all August babies.  I had to laugh at that because I really didnt want that.  Mainly because I wanted to get pregnant the next cycle, which would've meant a July baby, most likely.  I was so ready to be pregnant that I didnt want to wait another month!

By this point, a few more people knew we were TTC because I had started to ask for prayer.  It was humbling, I really didnt want to tell people, but I know God hears prayers. 

November came, and even though I had tried not to get my hopes up, I was very upset when an early test came back negative.  It was a Sunday morning, and at church that morning I could barely worship.  Every time I tried to sing I teared up, and I really didnt want to cry.  I knew if I started I would cry a lot, and I hate doing that.  I didnt want the attention.

November was a hard month.  I tested during the week that Jay was off work, and I thought how fun it would be to get a postive test when he was at home (and not work) and be able to celebrate during his time off. 

I was expecting my period to come on Wednesday.  It didnt, but the early tests were still showing negative.

Thursday.  At first nothing.  Hmmm...and then it started.  UGH!!  I was so frustrated and upset.  Maybe Mom was right - we were going to have an August baby.  40 weeks from the start of my last period would've been August 18 - my birthday.  As much as I hadnt wanted an August baby at first, throughout the month the idea really grew on me.  How fun it would be to expect a baby on my birthday!

This past week I prayed so hard for a baby, harder than I ever have before.  As much as I try not to, I kept analyzing how I was feeling.  I told myself not to do it, but I had many of the early signs - breast tenderness, nausea, and especially on Friday - decreased appetite.  Yuck.  But like I told Jay, if I was pregnant, I would welcome all the sickness that comes with it.

I tested on Saturday because my parents were coming to visit that day.  I wanted to be able to tell them in person if I was expecting.

The test was negative.  I tried not to be upset because I wasnt expecting my period until Wednesday, so it was still early.

Sunday was another negative test.  I decided I wouldnt test again until I had missed my period because the disappointment is too great.

Monday night, and I'm getting ready to go to sleep.  I go to the bathroom once more, and there it is.  My period.  2 days early.  Are you freaking kidding me?!?!  all the nausea, fatigue, all that crap.  For nothing.

Today has been hard.  I'm crushed.  I want this baby so badly.  My heart aches.

40 weeks from now is September 13.  My due date with Oliver was the 14th.  I pray that if it happens this cycle, I will go closer to my EDD and not be in the hospital over Oliver's 3rd birthday.  To go any earlier and be home with a baby for Oliver's 3rd birthday would mean a very early baby.  I'd rather go later.

God is teaching me patience.  He's showing me how little control I have over things.

So there it is.  This is why I havent posted a lot.  But please, please pray for us that we conceive soon and are blessed with another baby.  My heart aches for one.

Its December!

wow, where has the time gone? its hard to believe that christmas isnt far away at all. we finished decorating our tree today and oliver loves it. its so cute  :)  we have pretty much all of our christmas shopping done, and boy is oliver going to be spoiled. it is so fun buying for him.
ill update more later...right now im on my phone which isnt working too well.

Cloth Diaper Dream Package Raffle!

Ive been blessed to meet another SAHM recently who also cloth diapers!  Her name is Crystal and she has the cutest little 10 month old named Collin.  Even though there's a little over a year in age between our boys, its still cute to see them together.  I think they will be friends someday!  anyway, Crystal is doing a cloth diaper raffle to benefit her brother and sister-in-law as they are adopting a baby from Africa.  To check out this awesome raffle, follow this link to the Dream Package Raffle!

Halloween

Our Little Pooh Bear :)

Oliver and Daddy carving a pumpkin...a first for both of them!

He was determined to pick it up!

Hair Cut

I finally took the time to get my hair cut today.  I love it! She pulled it back in a low ponytail and cut the whole thing off.  LOL I have little qualms about chopping my hair like that.  I get a little nervous but I love doing it.  I usually chop my hair off once a year or so and then let it grow back out. Maybe I'll keep it long this time.  I really do love it!

Back in Fluff :)

I wish I had a picture to go along with today's post but I never got around to it.  Oliver's rash is cleared up and so we are back in fluff.  I dont think it was ever yeast because it responded well to regular diaper rash cream and didnt really do anything when I tried the Lotrimin. I had already stripped my diapers once so oh well, at least they are really clean now! ha!  It seemed really weird to have all my diapers clean at once.  Since we are usually in cloth all the time he always has one on.  I should have taken a picture of them all, but didnt have the energy/motivation to do that before putting one on him today. I'm really glad we still had some disposables though.  I would have been mad if we had had to spend any diaper money on sposies!  Yuck!  The good news is that they are almost all gone now, so as long as Oliver doesnt get a yeast rash again (not likely since he rarely ever ever ever gets diaper rash) we wont have to buy any more for him ever again! yay! The last time I bought disposables was in June and right after that we started cloth part time.  My goal was to make it through the summer and not buy more until September, but thankfully I was able to build my c.d. stash and we have never had to buy more sposies.  I do want to buy a few extra velcro diapers so that its easier for anyone who watches Oliver to use the cloth. I mean, the snaps arent hard, but for someone who isnt used to how to get them on and tight, they would probably prefer the velcro.  I mean, the velcro are *just* like disposables.  The only difference is that whoever is watching Oliver will put them in the wetbag and send them home with me.  Easy peasy :)

My dad is coming to visit tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it.  He is always a big help with Oliver and anything I need help with around here. Its been awhile since he has gotten to come visit and he is going to get to take Oliver on a wagon ride which I know they both will love a lot. 

So for now, good night blogging world.  I'll post pics tomorrow ;)

Hmmm?

Well, I dont know if this rash is a yeast rash or not.  it seems to be doing better just with the regular diaper rash cream I was using, and if it was rash it wouldnt react to this stuff.  I still began the process of stripping all of Olivers diapers just to make sure.  I'll keep him in nasty 'sposies until the rash is gone.  Even if its not yeast, I dont want to risk it.  I feel so bad for him.  His little bum has these little red bumps and now wearing the rough diapers.  Ugh.  I cant wait til he's back in his fluffy diapers!

And now you know the secret life of a stay-at-home-mom: spending my day analyzing diaper rashes. @@

Oh great.

Oliver has a diaper rash. :(  He has rarely ever had any diaper rashes, in fact I can only think of one ever. I feel so bad for him.  He doesnt even really seem bothered by it but it looks bad.  Plus he has to wear disposables diapers until its gone because it appears to be a yeast rash.  If I keep putting him in cloth it'll keep re-infecting the diapers.  So now I get to strip his diapers, no fun, and get some cream for him.  I'll spend the next few days washing and re-washing his cloth dipes and hopefully by the end of the weekend his little bum will be all better, and we'll be back to wearing fluff. :)

Sleep baby sleep!!

Heres praying that tonight Oliver sleeps MUCH BETTER than he did last night!

I went to bed about midnight and he was awake.  It took a cup of milk, a dose of Tylenol, and both mine and Jay's best efforts to get him to sleep...3 hours later.  We were at the end of our ropes.  Jay had to take him in the other room and stand and rock with him to get him to go back to sleep.  its so hard because Oliver always sleeps so much better for Jay than for me.  Obviously last night it took way too long even with Jay's help, but its frustrating because I know that I'm fighting a losing battle.  he simply fights me to sleep all.the.time.

::sigh::

So I laid in bed and prayed that Oliver would fall back asleep and sleep late for us.  LOL  Well, he eventually did fall back asleep...sometime after 3 a.m....but woke up just after 8!  COME ON!!!!  I got him to lay with me until about 8:30.  Pshew.

Thankfully, he was asleep by 1:45 for his afternoon nap, usually its 2:00 before we even head upstairs.  he slept for an hour and a half, which isnt a great nap but its not bad.

One more thing about today - I know he is teething badly.  he's drooling like crazy and is cranky as all get out.  So I put my amber necklace on him today.  First of all, it looked super cute.  Jay noticed it as soon as he got home and was like "what is that? he needs one!" Second, we didnt have to give him any tylenol tonight.  So add it to my list of things to get from Fluff Envy.

and another giveaway

I love reading about others' cloth diaper experiences.  I recently started following this mama's blog (her little boy is too cute) and she is doing a giveaway.  Her giveaway is for 2 GroVia AIOs and wipes.  I havent tried GroVia yet and would love to!  I have tried GroBaby, which is what GroVia used to be until they changed names, and improved their diapers.  I would love to try GroVia since Oliver is too big now for the GroBaby's. 

TCDW Giveaway

The Cloth Diaper Whisperer has their weekly Fluff Friday up for grabs! I love the giveaways this blog has.  I'd love to win this one.  Its for 2 velour diapers in a beautiful red color.  So fun! and easy to enter!

Oliver's new "bike"

So today we went shopping for Oliver for some fall clothes.  He is quickly outgrowing his 24 month/2T clothes.  First we went to the Children's Place and of course found stuff there. (He's practically a walking advertisement for that store, LOL.)  Then we went to babies R us because I had a coupon for $10 off a $50 clothing purchase.  Well, I wasnt finding much, it was going to be a stretch to even get $50 worth of clothes that I liked.  I'm browsing through clothes and I turn around and Oliver is riding on a tricycle! He was just pushing himself along, he couldnt get the pedals going, but at that point I knew...

Oliver was going to be the proud owner of a new "bike". 

Thank you Grandma for helping make this possible! I was on the phone with my mom when we attempted to get him off of the bike and she heard his meltdown and told me to just get it.  Oliver isnt spoiled though, really ;-)  (ha!)

Let's Talk...FuzziBunz!

Alright, its time for more cloth diaper talk!  I know some people follow this to see pics of Oliver, and there will be one of those in here too, I promise. :-)

Here are 2 of our "newer" cloth diapers.  I've had them a couple of weeks and like them a lot.  They are FuzziBunz Perfect Size Large.  We also have some OS (one-size) FB that I'll show pics of another day.  These large size are plenty big on Oliver, I have to snap them in on almost the tightest snap.  Which is great, because he is about out of some of his cloth dipes.

I love the colors of these.  The red and orange are bright and vibrant.They are considered "old" colors, so I was able to get them on sale, which is even better.  Who can pass up a good sale on CD's?!  :)

Like the rest of my favorite diapers, these are pocket diapers. Quite literally, there is a "pocket" in the back of the diaper that you stuff with an insert.  There are many varieties of CD's and so far pockets have worked out best for us.  For one thing, they dry quickly since you "unstuff" the pocket when you wash them. I always hang dry my covers, except for when I'll occasionally put them in for a very short "low heat" cycle if I'm in a hurry.  If I'm doing my diaper laundry at night, I'll also hang up my inserts to dry as well.  If I'm doing laundry during the day I just put them in the dryer on high heat so they get dry.  If I put them in the dryer, I wait a bit before I stuff them so that they aren't so hot.  Putting hot inserts into a cover will wear out the PUL (the waterproof fabric that is part of the diaper cover) and elastic.  Some people dont stuff their diapers beforehand, they just grab what they need and stuff as they go through diaper changes. I like to have mine all done and organized so I can just grab when I need them and they are all ready. 

Another great part about pocket diapers is that you can choose your absorbancy level.  For example, during the day I just put one insert into the diapers, unless we are going to be gone for awhile then occasionally I'll double-stuff.  At night, I'll use a hemp doubler.  Hemp and bamboo are natural fibers that absorb a great deal so they work great for heavy wetters. (Which Oliver definitely is at night.)

You can see that there are two rows of snaps.  Its easiest to snap the bottom one first to get a good fit around the leg, and then snap the one around the waist.  This takes a little bit of patience to get the right fit, but its not hard. At all :)

Next time I'll try to get a better picture to show the "pocket" better.  This diaper came with just one insert, while others I have bought come with 2.  These diapers are very trim, which I like.  Because of how these fit, I think Oliver may have actually fit into a size medium.  But I didnt want to buy those just to have him quickly outgrow them.  Because, come on, its going to be awhile before Oliver's potty-trained.

And with how cute all these diapers are, I'm actually ok with that ;-)

What a cute little booty ;-)

Giveaway

The Not-So-Secret Confessions of a First Time Mom blog is having a giveaway!  For a chance to win a Thirsties cloth dipe, check out her giveaway here!

(Like I've mentioned before, blogging about givewaways gives me an extra entry, so you'll randomly see these posts! :) )

Much Better

Today was much better than the day of my last post. Maybe its because Jay helped with Oliver so much this weekend, and I got a break from naptimes.  (THANK YOU HONEY!!!!!!!)  Maybe its because Oliver actually went down well for his nap today. In any case, today was much better.

I had to post this picture of Oliver.  I took this the other night after we made a quick trip to Wal-mart.  Apparently he was starving after playing at church because he chowed down on these goldfish the entire ride home!

Some Days

...I feel like I am losing my mind.

Nap time is usually about 2:00, and there are days when it goes really well, and then there are days like today.  I text Jay around 3:00 and asked him to come up and help me when he got home from work because I could not get Oliver to sleep.  I had tried reading to him.  I'd tried laying down with him.  He had already given me a bloody lip from thrashing around.  He'd had a cup of milk, he wasn't hungry.  He was tired, but not exhausted to where he should've been unmanagable.

When Jay came up I was crying, Oliver was crying, and there have been very few times where I've felt like I've needed a break so badly.  Oliver is impossible to take to a store.  I was able to be in church last night and all the good feelings I had leaving there where gone after a 30 minute trip in Wal-Mart right afterwards.  He doesnt want to sit in the cart; he clings to me and screams and cries the entire time.  I'm the mom who people give pity looks to.  He'll cry so hard he starts dry heaving.  and NOTHING is wrong, he just doesnt want to freaking sit down!  Its ridiculous.  I feel trapped during the day because I cant go anywhere without him having a meltdown.  I dont think people who have a job and get away from their home everyday really understand how this feels.  I know I never had a clue what it was like before I was a stay-at-home-mom.  Not a clue.

We are finally out of the apt (more on that later) and I am so thankful for all the time and effort Jay put into getting the apt packed up and moved.  He was there almost every day and I know how tired he was after work to have to go and do that.  I'm so happy he is home now to help.  There were days I wanted to go and do that instead of stay at home but I havent felt that great and have been very tired.  So he did all that work.  Unfortunately, for all the time he was away, that was more time I felt stuck here at home.  It was a no-win situation. Today was the first day in weeks that I got a break during his naptime which is the worst time of my day EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  It will totally make or break my day and it usually breaks it.  I havent had a good naptime from him in awhile.  It leaves me exhausted, worn down and feeling like a terrible mother for not beig able to get my child to sleep easily.  Which makes the rest of my day/evening difficult.  I would give anything to have my mother live closer. Just someone that I could take him to and say "HERE! PLEASE TAKE HIM!" and know that she would in a heartbeat, without me feeling guilty. 

Some days are just bad days.  Today was one of them.

Same Diaper, Different Day

For those of you who arent into cloth diapering, you might find a picture of Oliver's "fluffy stash" a bit corny. LOL It probably is, but those of you who love fluff like I do love pictures like this!

This is what is currently in Oliver's fluff rotation.  He also has 2 GroBabys, but they are getting small on him and so they are only there for back-ups.  And he has 6 prefolds to go with the covers that are on the far left, but they are very bulky (I messed up and got the premium size prefolds) so we were only using them at night.  Then I noticed his skin seems to be sensitive to wearing prefolds all night long (they dont pull the moisture away from him as well as pockets do) so we're taking a break from those.

On top of the Serenity Baby Covers is a thirsties fab fitted diaper in Aqua.  so pretty and soft! I use that under the covers, but he is a pretty heavy wetter, so fitteds dont last long on him.  I usually use them in the morning after he's been in a diaper all night to kind of let him "air out" LOL 

The middle stack, top to bottom: red and orange Large size fuzzibunz pockets, a clementine bumGenius 3.0, a blue bumEssentials hybrid diaper, and a red and black AIO dreamboat diaper. 

and in the far right stack, top to bottom: yellow, green, and polka dotted Rumparooz pockets, polka dotted Blueberry pocket diaper, and 3 FuzziBunz perfect size pocket diapers in periwinkle, baby blue, and yellow.

I'm not the "find the perfect diaper and stick to it" type.  I'm the "I love all these diapers but I want to try more" type.  thats just me :-)

I'm in the process of getting pictures of Oliver in all his various fluffs.  I'll do different posts and talk about all of them.  some of you will probably find this boring, but hey, its *my* blog ;-D

Just a few pics...

Oliver on his 2nd helping of banana yogurt after licking out the first container! :)

getting ready to take Nemo on a wagon ride in Oliver's new red wagon! Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for a wonderful new birthday present!!

trying to snap himself in

setting out to do some lawn mowing :)  Thanks for the new toy, Grandma!

He's such a big boy!

putting the wagon away.

We love our Oliver!!!

Oliver's 2 year stats

Oliver had his 2 year dr appt last Friday.  He is 30.5 lbs and 35.75" tall.  He's 85% for both.  Such a big boy! :)  The dr asked if we were having any progress with potty training...lol...not so much! He will go sometimes, but I'm not really working on it.  Plus, I love my cloth diapers so I'm not too worried about pushing it! HA!

he also got the flu nasal mist vaccine...gosh I still am so not sold on flu vaccines or vaccines in general but for now we get them.  I know that I will NOT have future babies get the HepB vaccine in the hospital when they are born though.  I just think that is totally ridiculous.  There is no reason for that at all.  If someone can explain to me why in the world a newborn baby needs a HepB vaccination, please do because I am just lost on that one.  He also had a finger prick to test for anemia (he's ok there) and 2 other shots.  Poor baby was a mess!  But he got better pretty quickly.  It was also fun to show off his fluff as he wore his new clementine color bumgenius diaper!  I love that diaper, but it seems a bit small, so i look forward to getting the newer version of it.  (I got the 3.0 because I was able to get it for $14.  Next time I'll be trying the 4.0) :)

We are still very happy here at the new place. My parents got Oliver some outdoor toys for his birthday including a red wagon!! yay!! and this little toy lawnmower, so cute.  We love being outside!

So much STUFF

Ugh, I hate the packing/unpacking process!! I feel like I just need a weekend to myself to get everything completed.  We still have some stuff in our bedroom and Olivers bedroom at the apt to bring over.  our garage here is slowly filling with boxes.  Ugh.  How do we have so much stuff?!  Thank goodness for storage space here, cos otherwise I'd be going nuts.  i've loved it here the last week and a half with just the essentials and plenty of room.  Now we are getting all the stuff that we dont have to have to live everyday, but that we dont really want to get rid of.  You know, all the little stuff that you acquire, or the big stuff that isnt essential but you dont really want to get rid of.   It doesnt help that I'm ridiculous when it comes to keeping things of Oliver's.  I just cant bring myself to get rid of stuff.  It will be ironic if our future children can never fit into the stuff of Oliver's that I've kept.  But since we hope to be blessed with many more, i just cant get rid of things.  its ridiculous, really, but oh well.  Thats just me :)

Oliver has his 2 year dr appt in the morning.  We have to be here at 9:30 which is kind of early for us, lol.  But I'm looking forward to seeing how big he is and everything. 

I'm going to read for a little bit and then head to bed.  Not much cleaning going on around here tonight...I'm so tired!

Oliver in his sandbox

We've had this sandbox for awhile, but just now got sand and got it set up. Which I'm happy about, since it would've been a pain to move and i didnt trust that the apt ragamuffin kids wouldnt have stolen his toys or destroyed it...anyway, oliver loves it!  he wouldnt smile at me, but he really was having fun :)

(and yes, he is wearing a disposable dipe, boo...lol..i have one box left and then never buying them again!)

"No, Mama, i will NOT smile!" :-p

Doing Well

We finally have our internet at home, but I just haven't spent much time online.  I absolutely love our new home.  Sometimes I find that I'm not sure what to call it.  Its not an apt, and I don't think of it as a "condo" like the landlord does.  Its a duplex, but I just call it a house.  Its set up exactly like a house, and from the inside, you cant tell you have someone on one side of you.  When you look outside, its just our backyard.  Looking out the front, we dont even have anyone across the street from us.  Its wonderful.  Especially after living in a rowdy apt complex where I didnt even want to open my windows because I felt like people could hear our conversations.  seriously, it was that bad.  I would be in the kitchen and kids would literally come up and play on our back patio.  It always blew me away that they would do that, but it was true.

So more to come soon.  We're still moving some things.  We get our washer and dryer tomorrow.  YIPPEE!!!!!!  We havent had our own washer and dryer for 2 1/2 years.  And for the year before that we had an itty-bitty stackable washer and dryer.  So this will be heaven.  Just like the dishwasher has been!   I told Jay I dont even want to go back and get anything else from the apt because things dont feel crowded here and its wonderful.  I just want to get our pictures and leave all the other stuff, lol.  Thankfully we have some storage room in the garage so not everything has to end up inside.  I'm getting rid of stuff like crazy too! I'm one to throw out just about anything...literally.  Jay and I were trying to figure out what to do with our chaise chair and I told him we should just get rid of it, lol.

Oliver had his 2nd birthday last week (Aug 26) and it was so fun to be in our new place.  He got really spoiled and has a billion new toys, but thats ok.  He is such a blessing to us, and we thank God everyday for him!

Pictures to come soon...

ahhh

...I love our new place. :)

we dont have internet hooked up yet, so I'll be posting more sporadically.  Last night we moved all our kitchen stuff (almost), our bed, Oliver's bed, our couch, bathroom stuff, and a ton of toys.  We are very blessed to have some great friends who helped us.  I absolutely love where we are right now.  Last night, me, Oliver, Jay, Jem, Kirsten, Jeremy, Russ, and Margie could all be in our living room comfortably.  Before, it would have been a tight fit with me, Jay, Oliver, and any other 2 people!  LOL  I was able to get our whole kitchen unpacked last night before I went to bed.  This place already feels more like home than our apt did.  Less than a week til we get our washer and dryer.  WOOHOO!!!!  We also have a dishwasher finally! yaaaaay!!

I love the extra storage space that was added onto the garage.  There were a few things for our kitchen that I wanted to keep but didnt really have room for.  So out in the garage they went.  No biggie.  That was awesome.  We still have so much stuff to bring over, though.  I wish we didnt have to bring anything else over, because right now things dont feel cramped at all.  I dont want them to get that way either!  I have already gotten rid of a lot of stuff that we simply didnt use.  Also, our friends are having a yard sale in september so I will sell some of it.  For the most part, though, I just want it gone.  I refuse to have my home so cramped and uncomfortable again.  There really wasnt a lot we could do about it in the other place.  There just wasnt room for anything.  But here we have room, so I'm going to use it to organize and keep things clean and in place.  I know things will get out of order, but I can handle that if there is a place for it all to go back to.  I also dont want to fill up the extra bedroom with a bunch of crap.  One day hopefully we'll be able to add to our family, and I dont want to be finding places to put all kinds of junk when we have to clean out that room for a future baby.  We'll see how it all goes...I'm just very happy to be here. :)

1 Year

Its been one year since our friend Landon died.  :(  I cant believe its been that long, and yet at the same time I feel like it was yesterday that I got a text from Megan, his sister and my roommate from college, that said, "Stay by your phone, i need to call you. its important."  I couldnt possibly imagine what was going on, but that was the last thing I expected to hear.  Tonight we went up to Megan's parents' house and we all released balloons that had letter inside that we wrote to Landon.  It was beautiful.  Oliver was a little monster and screamed during the prayer, but oh well.  It was awful seeing Ron and Janet (Megan and Landon's parents) as the balloons flew off.  It reminded me of seeing them as they walked out of Landon's funeral and nearly collapsed from the grief.  Landon, we love you and miss you more than you'll ever realize.

On a much happier note, we got the keys to our new home today. :) :) :)  We moved a couple loads of stuff, including most of our kitchen stuff and the drawers from Olivers dresser and a lot of my clothes.  Tomorrow we will have a couple trucks to move the big stuff and hope to stay there tomorrow night.  We have until Sept. 15 to get out of this place so we dont have to do it too quickly which is great since Olivers birthday is this week and his party is on Saturday.  Jay has the day off Thursday and Friday which will be great since I will have a LOT of decorating/baking to do.  plus I have my first order for chocolate chip cookies for Thursday, so it'll be a busy week all around.

I do wonder a lot how in the wide world did we get so much stuff?! probably because I secretly wish I was a minimalist, but Im just not...lol

Packing.

I am so excited to be packing-because it means we are getting OUT of here.  But, I hate it at the same time!  where to put these boxes as I pack?  Its not like we had any room to spare in the first place.  Someone said to put the boxes where the stuff you're packing was.  Great, except I cant fit boxes in my cabinets! 

We get the keys tomorrow.  Not sure what time though...and we have to be at our friend's house around 6, and they live about an hour away.  maybe less.  Our good friend died last year as a result of a tragic shooting, and his sister (one of my good friends -she introduced me and Jay) and her parents are having a "Letters to Heaven" balloon release as a memorial. Its going to be really sad -  but good at the same time.  I cant believe its been a year already.  Landon, know that we love you and miss you so much.  There are times I still dont believe you could possibly be gone.

So depending on what time we get the keys, we hope to move at least a couple car loads of stuff.  Then after Jay gets off work on Monday we are going to have some friends help us move some of the big stuff.  Some of the bigger stuff we'll leave here for the time being (like the bookcases, and possibly Oliver's crib since he's sleeping in his toddler bed) and get them as we can.  We have to wait 30 days to get out of this lease, so we have time.  We want to be able to start staying there as soon as possible, so hopefully we can do that after moving some stuff on Monday.  Oliver's birthday is on Thursday, so it really is a whirlwind right now.  We are so, so happy to be getting out of here though.  I cant even describe it!

Tonight we are going to go look at washer and dryers...YAY!!!  Ok, I'm not excited about spending that much money, but its been nearly 2 1/2 years since I have had my own washer and dryer.  We have had to cart all of our laundry across the parking lot to the laundry place here at the apt or do it at my in-laws. (Which we are so thankful for! They have been so sweet about letting us come and go and use their washer and dryer.  I owe my MIL big time after taking over her laundry room for the past 2.5 years.)  We are also going to go look for some bathroom stuff, since we will have an extra bathroom.  Plus, the stuff we have in our bathroom now is old and yucky.  Something very exciting (to me!) is that since there are 2 full baths upstairs, Jay is going to use the one in the hallway (which is also going to be Oliver's) that way he doesnt wake us up in the morning.  So...I get my own bathroom! YAY!!!  I'm sure it will be infiltrated to some extent with Olivers things (as is our entire home!) but thats totally ok.  I'm just excited to have some space.  A lot of the homes we looked at only had 1 or 1.5 baths, and we wouldve made it work fine (we have 1.5 here- but I hate the downstairs one so I rarely use it.) but I'm pretty excited to have 2 1/2 baths at our new place!

I know that as we have more children and acquire more things, our new home will eventually feel small to us. But for right now, I am loving the feeling of moving into somplace bigger.  My number one goal in this new place is to keep it ORGANIZED.  We have zero organization here and it drives me NUTS.  I hate it.  I think thats one reason I'm always stressed-I cant find anything.  So even if things get messy, I want to be able to get it organized. Things may not always be in their place - but as long as they have a place to be in, I'll accept that.

...off to pack some more...

We. Are...

....MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am over the moon excited.  I have so much to say, but I'm exhausted.  I havent slept much the past few nights, so I'm going to read a little and head to bed.  Praise the Lord!  We have a new home!  This was the best birthday present I could have asked for!!!!!!

No Word yet

So no word yet on the house.  ::sigh::  Today was Jays birthday and I feel badly but I know I was so pre-occupied.  I'm trying SO VERY HARD to cast all my anxieties upon the Lord.  The anxious feelings I have are not of God, so I must take them captive and cast them out.  I just want to know so badly.  If its not it, just let us know, please...so we can move on and keep looking.  Although thats what we've been trying to do and there's been NOTHING.  ::sigh::

I'm exhausted.  Going to bed now.

Yum!

Oliver's favorite thing lately...

...cereal!

Hmmm?

So today the landlord of the place we are hoping to get (if its God's will) called and checked to make sure we're still interested.  Actually, he called Russ (my FIL) and asked to have Jay call him, but Russ just gave him Jay's number.  Strange, since our number is on the app, but whatever.  Jay said of course we are still interested, and the guy said he would be making a decision either tomorrow or Wednesday.

UGHHHHHHH

I pray that it is God's will for us to have this place.  At first I was totally fine with us not getting it, but its been a week and a half now, and it keeps dragging on.  I have had time to envision us there, and really hope that this is the place God intends for us.  I wish we had just found out quickly either way.  Would God let this thing drag out just to pull it out from under us?  Possibly.  Its been strange, though, that unless something was posted today, absolutely nothing has been posted in the paper for rentals that we are even remotely interested in.  Before, there were always ones that we could at least call about.  Since that Thursday, nothing.  And we had decided that we would keep looking so that if this place wasnt for us we wouldnt have wasted a week or more of our time.  But we havent been able to do that. 

But I will continue to pray for God's will to be done.  I'm not sure that we followed God's will by moving to this apt.  It never felt like home, it was never really what we wanted.  But we felt like we had to.  But for whatever reason, God has placed us here for the past two and a half years.  We've been here for a reason, no matter how much I have hated it.  I just pray that our time is up here...really, really pray hard for that.

So thats that.  Maybe my next post will be saying we're leaving this craphole and have a new home!!!

Why cant I sleep?

Because...

1. My mind will not shut off with all the things I keep thinking I need to do this weekend. (Find the missing diaper cover, wash laundry, clean bathrooms, put away clothes...)

2. I am trying so hard not to worry about where we will end up living.  I'm beyond ready to get out of this apt, and I'm desperately trying not to worry about it, but its hard.  Everytime a worry comes into my mind I try to capture it and give it to God.  He knows exactly where our next home is going to be.  I pray His will is done with this home we are looking at.  I just feel like I cant take living in this craphole another day.

Friday Giveaway at the Cloth Diaper Whisperer

well, here's my weekly blog about the giveaway over at the Cloth Diaper Whisperer.  This week its for 2 GroVia AIO Diapers and some wipes.  I'd love these because we already have a set of GroBaby diapers and while I like them, they seem to run a bit small.  I've seen a comparison video of the way the company changed their name and their diapers from GroBaby to GroVia and i think the new version would work much better.  Plus, I'm ready to use cloth wipes more often.  We still have a TON of disposable wipes, but Im finding them to be a big pain in the butt now that we dont have a diaper to throw them away with! Itd be much easier to have a cloth wipe to just throw in the laundry with the diapers.

So here's hoping I may win this giveaway!  I'm amazed at the number of giveaways within the cloth diaper community.  Surely I have to win something someday! (right?) :)

Still a Chance

So we still hadnt heard anything about the condo/duplex/whatever you wanna call it so Jay called and asked today.  To be honest, I totally expected him to say it had been rented.  However, he said it hasnt been, he is waiting for a couple more apps to come back, so it would be Monday or Tuesday of next week.  The more I think about the place the more I really hope we get it.  Its so frustrating to me that we even have to think like this...I feel like its such a big deal for a rental.  But it is what it is.  Although there is practically no back yard and its a 2 story when we originally wanted 1 story, there are so many other things about it that I really liked.  But whatever God's will is I pray it is done.  I pray that we dont get it if its going to be a lot of hassle.  (Did I mention that our upstairs toilet is not working properly?  yeah.  we have to fill the tank up to get it to flush; it wont fill on its own.  LOVELY.)  I pray that we do get it if its going to be a good move for us, one that gets us through these next few years while we get completely out of debt, save for a down payment, and buy our own home. 

So I really expected this door to shut on us, like everything else has done so far, but it looks like maybe it'll stil happen.  And thats all I can hope for right now.  I really must believe that it'll work out exactly like its meant to.  I must cast all my anxieties upon the Lord, just as he asks us to do. 

Some Fluffy Pictures

Oliver with a "fluffy" (a.k.a. cloth diaper-ed) butt!  Keep in mind, the child rarely stands still, finds trashing our living room to be his main goal in life, and rarely matches in clothes and/or diapers before noon. :-D

With that in mind :)

on the run in a monkey print Serenity baby cover

"Now just wait 1 minute, Mom."

yellow fluff. FuzziBunz OS

More to come!

Another Giveaway!

Ok, its time to blog about another giveaway!

Blogging about the giveaway gives me another entry, so here we go.

The Cloth Diaper Whisperer does a weekly giveaway called "Fluff Friday."  These are great giveaways! This week the giveaway is the Flip diaper syste.  These are hybrid diapers-similar to my GroBaby diapers.  I just convinced one of my best friends to switch to cloth (Yay!) and she uses the Flip diapers.  she loves them! While I enjoy trying a lot of different kinds of diapers, she says she loves the Flip so much she doesnt even want to try other ones. 

So here's hoping maybe I'll win some of these to try!

Another day, another house.

So we went and looked at another place tonight.  This one is in Roanoke, less than 10 minutes from Huntington, and closer to Fort Wayne.  The landlord called it a "condo."  You could call it a duplex.  I almost wish I had taken a picture of it though, because when I think of duplex this isnt what I think of.  Its much nicer.

This looking for a place to live thing is so emotionally draining for me.  I don't remember it ever being like this when I looked for places to live before.  Now, its like as soon as we see a place advertised we try to call, get in to see it and make a decision.  The two times that we have liked a place enough to say so to the landlord (today and about a month ago) its like we are going up against others in a competition.  When we were getting ready to leave we saw a family from our church that was also looking at it.  That was...awkward.  She said something about this place being big for our family.  Its not that big, and we hope to add to our family soon so it definitely wont be too big.  But I know she and her family have also been looking for someplace to live, so if they really like this place too, then I pray God's will be done and if His will is to let them live there, by all means I want them to.

The place had a decent size front yard, but no real backyard.  That was the biggest downside to this place, so if it doesnt work out, I hope to not be too upset.  When you walked in the front door there was a closet and then to your left were two steps, a landing, and then the stairs to go upstairs.  Not too excited about it being 2 story, I always feel like here we're living in half of our home at a time, but other than that, I liked everything else ok.  The living room was a decent size.  It felt much more open than this place does.  The dining room and kitchen were attached and that was a nice size.  There was a lot of cabinet space which was AWESOME.  I really did like the kitchen a lot.  Off of the living room was a half bath/laundry room that was also a great size. I was impressed with that.  It also has a 1 car garage attached with some additional storage space in there as well.  Going upstairs...at the top of the stairs was a full size bath.  Everything in there seemed newer and nice.  There was a little linen cabinet thing outside of the bathroom.  The first door on the right was a bedroom which was a nice size.  Second door on the right was another bedroom which was nice sized. (I just realized I am saying "nice size" a lot.  I dont know how to describe it! I dont have measurements other than the whole place was about 1400 sq ft.  Not that big, but bigger than this place which is under 1000.)  Both rooms had decent closets to them.  At the end of the hallway on the left was the master bedroom which was pretty big.  It had a full size bath attached to it which would be awesome.  I hate having to get up and go out the door to pee during the night.  I know that probably sounds dumb, but its true. It has central air (not common, we are finding out, in this area) and new windows that have the blinds inside them.  Lawn care and snow removal would be their responsibility, not ours.

Overall, it just felt more "homey" than this place, but that doesnt take much!!  I try sooooooooo hard to have the "if it doesnt work out it wasnt God's will" attitude but I struggle with that a lot.  I wish we hadnt looked at the house we did about a month ago that seemed so perfect for us and then we never even got a call back on it.  I compare everything to that place.  It was amazing.  But for whatever reason God didnt want us to have it, and we have to be ok with that.

But I'm struggling tonight.  there just arent many places around here to rent that arent a.) dumps or b.) old and expensive in utilities.  I cant keep count of how many we have driven by after calling and just by looking at them we know we wouldnt want to live there.  We've had so many doors closed on us, and we've closed a couple ourselves because we knew we wouldnt be happy.  For whatever reason, God hasnt opened the door for us yet that we are supposed to go through.  Maybe he will soon.  Maybe He did today, and we'll find out soon.

I cant hold my breath about this, because last time all I literally obsessed over that house and when Jay called to ask if it had been rented, I was crushed when they said yes.  Totally broken.  So we will keep looking every day.  And if its meant to be, we'll take it.  We'd be dumb not to.  If we dont ever hear back, hopefully the place we end up with will have a backyard.

Did you know...?

...that they estimate it takes about 500 years for one disposable diaper to decompose???

I didnt!  That is insane!  Each year approximately 18 billion diapers enter landfills.  Now, I'll admit I'm not a big environmentalist.  Maybe I should be, but overall its just not a big passion of mine.

But that is mind-boggling to me.  What the heck is in those diapers, anyway?  And do I really want whatever chemicals are in them to be next to my baby's skin?

No.

We have about 2 boxes of disposables left, and the frugal person in me cant justify throwing them away.  Plus, we are still building our stash of cloth so I need them.  But I am starting to really hate using them.  My goal is that whenever we have our next baby, he or she will be in cloth from the beginning.  I know newborns go through a ton of diapers and it can be messy, but I just do not want my babies to be in disposables.  Plain and simple.  We don't have others watch Oliver very often, and I'm sure it'll be the same way with future children.  I'll get velcro cloth dipes so other caregivers can do the cloth without having to remember which snap fits.  I used to want to keep a stash of disposables on hand for others to use, but I'm getting over that.  If they can't use a cloth diaper with velcro, and stick the wet/soiled diaper in a wetbag for me to deal with later, I guess they won't be watching our baby!  Does that sound harsh?  I dont think so.  All we're saying is we're using cloth, which until recently (if you look at the big frame of time) was much more common than disposables!  My mom used cloth on me, and boy, have they changed since then!

I'm trying to get pics of Oliver in each of the different kinds of cloth diapers we have.  I'm not having much luck, because he does not stand still for me! lol! 

I wish I knew how to sew.  I'd love to make my own diapers, but really...I dont know about that!

Cloth Diaper Giveaways

One thing I never expected when we started using cloth was the amount of giveaways out there. Its crazy! I haven't won one (yet!) but I keep hoping and praying that maybe someday I will.

So far, we have tried 4 kinds of cloth diapers. The first were Rumparooz (I posted pics of Oliver in his yellow RaR, I think.) one size with snaps. I like those a lot. They are a bit bulky, but they have proven to be good for overnight or for long car trips. We use FuzziBunz, which I also like. we use the one-size with hip snaps.Not as bulky, but they fit him well. They size a little diferently as well-instead of the usual snaps to adjust the rise they have adjustable elastic in legs. I've heard some people have a hard time finding the right fit, but thankfully we found it right away and I like these.
Both the Rumparooz and FuzziBunz are called pocket diapers, and I like those a lot. They are a cover that have inserts that fit in a "pocket" in the back. You take the inserts out when you wash them and it makes drying time pretty quick. Then you stuff them once everything is dry and they are ready to go when its time for diaper change. Super easy! Whoever said cloth diapering was hard?!

We also have some Gro-Baby diapers. (I think they have recently changed their name to GroVia.) Those have "shells" (I call them covers) and then the soaker pads snap inside. When the soaker pad is wet or soiled, you can just change that if the cover isn't also wet or soiled. I've found that these run a bit small, so I don't know that Oliver will be able to wear them that much longer. I think I'd like them a lot better for a smaller baby, because I like them now-they just wont last long for us.
The last kind of diapers we use are prefolds and covers. The covers are *adorable*!!!! My friend Serena makes them over at The Serene Dream Shop. I did the custom fabric send in. Even if her website says sold out, contact her and she will work with you. I bought several types of fabric and sent them to her-Toy Story, two Mickey Mouse, popsicles, and blue and brown stripes. I also got a yellow monkey print cover. Prefolds are the "hardest" way of cloth diapering, which I find funny because its not hard at all! Prefolds are the kind of cloth diaper I first pictured when I thought of them-the kind my mom used to use with pins.  Now, though, with the covers, all you have to do is fold them in thirds and lay them in the cover.  Again, if they are wet/soiled and the cover isnt, just change the prefold and re-use the cover.  Easy peasy!  I have to admit- I did buy the wrong size of prefold so right now when we use them they are VERY bulky, but I hope to be able to buy some of the better fitting prefolds soon.

I have gotten each of my type of diapers from different sources, but by far my favorite retailer is Fluff Envy.  Justine is the owner and is such a sweet and helpful person.  From the beginning she has done anything to help me.  I first contacted her based on a referral from another cd'ing mama friend, and I really had no idea anything about cloth dipes.  Justine asked me information about my needs and preferences for diapers and helped me narrow down my choices.  She gave me honest reviews of diapers she thought I might like.  Since I got my diapers (I ordered my RaR from her) I've asked her even more questions and she always answers right away and never makes me feel like I am bugging her.  Last week one of my best friends ordered her first cloth diapers from Justine, and I was thrilled!  Plus, with her new referral program I earned a credit from the purchase of my friend's diapers! whoot!

I love cloth diapers so much more than I ever thought.  They are easy and FUN, which I never thought I'd say about diapers! Its fun to pick out what color and print Oliver is going to wear next.  Although I will slowly add some to our stash, I have enough to pretty much cloth diaper full-time.  When I first ordered my rumparooz, I was only wanting to cd part-time.  We made it the entire month of July without buying any disposables.  Thats about $50 in savings! yay!

Ok, so back to giveaways. Fluff Envy is doing a giveaway of AppleCheeks diapers on her blog.  She does a giveaway each month, and I didnt win last month.  Thats ok, because I'd *LOVE* to win the applecheeks diaper.  I've heard great things about apple cheeks, but they are a bit more expensive so I haven't had the chance to get any yet.  Blogging about the giveaway gives me another chance to enter, so here we go!

I'll continue to post about cloth diapers, Im sure, as this has become a part of our everyday life.  I have to admit-I'm a cloth diaper addict :)

No Go

Boy, I went back and forth all day on the house that we looked at yesterday.  For a big part of the day I was for it.  But by the end of the day, I wasn't.  Its not that I'm even against it.  But I'm not totally for it either.  I so badly wanted to make it work that I found myself finding reasons why it would work and be ok.  But in the end, I just dont feel great about it.  A few things I really loved about it- especially the yard- but as my mom pointed out "you can't love the yard and dislike the house- you arent living in the backyard!"  True true. The one bathroom and it being downstairs really was a drawback, as was the window AC that we had to supply.  So much I liked, but it just didnt weigh out enough.  So we are back to square 1.  I'm not sure that we ever left it, to be honest.

Oh gosh, I wonder how late Olive will sleep tomorrow.  He has slept late every day this week and hasnt napped 3 of the 4 days so far.  Today he slept til 10:20, didnt nap, went swimming twice, and fell asleep on Daddy's shoulder while he was being carried into the apt.  He must have been super tired because that is not like him at all. He is such a super sweetie.

This morning I got in the shower around 10 and I left our bedrom door open (where he was sleeping) and the bathroom door so that if he woke up he could find me.  Well, I was almost done in the shower and I heard him whimpering.  I peeked around the curtain and he was standing in the doorway, bottom lip stuck out, holding onto the remote control and saying "Pooh?  Pooh?"  he wanted to watch Pooh Bear.  Lately he has wanted to watch that in our room every morning.  Oh my gosh it was soooo cute! I think if I had just turned on Pooh Bear before i got in the shower he would have just laid in there and watched it and not even cared that he woke up with me gone, LOL.  Oh, he is such a sweet baby.  I adore him!! <3

Struggling

...with living in this dang apt.  Is anyone tired of hearing me say this yet? I just cant get over it. I dont know how to be happy living in a place where everything is literally falling apart around us. I hate it.  There's no way to make this place feel like home because there's no room to breathe. I  feel like I'm in such a craphole. 

We went and looked at a house tonight. It was ok-nothing great.  Its hard because we found what seemed to be the perfect house a couple weeks ago but they rented it to someone else.  So everything is being compared to that in my mind.  I did like the backyard of this house a lot better.  Its huge-perfect for Oliver.  Lots of living space-even though its a 2 story.  The upstairs just has 2 bedrooms and closet space.  Cons: 1 bathroom, no dishwasher.  Not a ton of cabinet space in the kitchen, but um hello, have you SEEN my kitchen? I realized the other night that if I really look at my kitchen , I have ZERO counter space to work on stuff.  My kitchen counterspace is overtaken by my microwave, KA mixer, dish drainer, and random utensils.  I can barely set a gallon of milk on the counter without it tipping over.  Everything I do has to be done on my little "microwave" stand that has become my cake/cookie station.  Which is unbelievably small.  I hate it!!!!!! 

(Have I mentioned that?)

Our laptop is home!

Thank goodness.  I have missed it!  It had some sort of virus so it was in the shop for awhile.  Especially with my cakes and cookies blog and facebook page, I check the internet several times a day.
So the house by the university didnt pan out at all.  When we called they said they had already rented it.  Why does that keep happening to us?! I'm beyond ready to get out of this place...have I mentioned that?!
Otherwise things have been going well, I guess.  Nothing exciting which is probably good.  I'll update more later, I really need to clean up our downstairs. Two tornados (Oliver, and my baking) have gone through here over the past day or so!

quick update

Just a quick update to say that we are going to look into another house hopefully tomorrow. We drove by it tonight and it looks nice from the outside, is located by the university (which isnt a bad thing--unlike at ball state! lol), so hopefully we'll hear back from the realtor tomorrow.
Jay had the day off today and we took Oliver to the zoo. then he got to go swimming- twice!- at Jays parents so heres hoping he sleeps great the rest of the night!

Oh, and totally random, but I am *LOVING* the cloth diapers on Oliver. Its so cool to think that we could pretty much be done buying diapers. I'm sure I'll add to our stash a little at a time but I'm getting to the point where I don't even like to use disposables anymore. I was only going to do cloth part time but I'm ready to do it full time. Which means I'll have to add some more so that I have enough to make it in between laundry times, but I really wont need too many more. I'm so glad we made the switch!

Still Living in a "compartment"

So on Tuesday of last week we looked at a rental house and **Loved** it.  It was in the perfect location.  It had a playroom.  Which had one whole wall lined with built in cabinets which would have been perfect for Oliver's toys.  It was 3 bedroom, one of which had built-in bookcases. (And if you know me, you know I own practically a small library. lol)  One and a half baths, and the full bath had two sinks and a huge vanity area.  Nice front porch area and a fenced in back yard.  New central air.  A one-car garage that had enough room also for some storage.

So we go to look at it on Tuesday, and the realtor gets some information from us such as Jay's work history and wages and said he was basically determining if we would be able to afford it.  (Which we could.)  He said there were others who had looked at it that day and the owner wanted to meet with those of us interested and then decide.

I prayed my heart out.  I seriously have never prayed Heaven down like I did last week.

Wednesday passed.  No word.

Thursday passed.  No word.

Friday I couldn't stand it.  Jay called and asked to talk to Jim, the realtor about the house, and the lady who answered the phone said that Jim was out and the house had been rented on Thursday.

I was devastated.  I'll admit it.  Crushed.  Jay made the call at the beginning of our drive down to my mom's and I cried for most of the hour and a half drive down to Indy.

Boy was I struggling.  I know God's timing is perfect, and I even prayed that if it wasn't meant to be that God would keep us out of there.  Which is exactly what he did.  But man I thought for sure it was meant to be. 

Today I'm feeling much better.  If that house wasn't the right one for us, I can't wait to see what is!  God must have something awesome in store for us.  I can't wait to get to it.....

Pray that we get out of this crappy "compartment" soon.  I can barely stand living there.  Going "home" is not relaxing or enjoyable.  We spend as much time away from there as we can.  We are rarely ever home for a night.  I am embarassed to have people come over.  I will go far out of my way to avoid having people come over.  Its not that bad, really, but its cramped and I am just not proud of it, I guess you could say.  I want some place that I have some pride in.  Maybe that's my problem?  Maybe I shouldn't be storing my treasures here on Earth but storing them in Heaven?  But don't you also think God wants us to feel good here, too?

I go round and round with these kind of questions.  "God, please get us into a home soon.  Please."

"But God, its not about the material stuff, really."

Really.

Oliver's new Rumparooz!!!!!

Now tell me that diaper isnt too cute?!?!

Our first attempt didnt go well because I didnt have the insert folded correctly when I put it in.  These have an insert that you can fold specifically to give extra in front for boys. Well, I did that wrong and he wet through while getting ready to fall asleep.  Second attempt tonight was successful.  They are too cute!  I'm already hooked on cloth diapers.  I can't wait until I have a good stock and can give up on using disposables.  I'm sure I'll still have to use them occasionally, but I hate the feel of them after feeling the cloth diapers.  The CD's must feel so much more comfortable on him! I want him to feel that instead of the "plastic"y feel of 'sposies.

I think it might be hard for some guys to understand what I mean by plastic-y feel.  But c'mon ladies, all of us have had to wear a pad at one point or another, so we know how it feels.  Not exactly the most comfortable thing, eh?

Big Boy Haircut

Before... (he didnt want his picture taken)

And after!

(he looks a bit disheveled with the baggy shirt, but doesnt his hair look adorable?!)

Oliver...

...is getting his first hair cut today at 4:45.  Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous about it.  The child does not sit still easily.  at all.  So this is going to be interesting.  Its taken me about two months to work up the nerve to get this done, so its about time to get it over with.  It wont be cut short (probably ever!) because his curls are too adorable.  I did have a nightmare the other night that my grandmother shaved his head!  LOL  But the top is getting so long and scraggly, its not the cute shaggy look anymore.  Especially since he likes to play with his hair and pull at it for comfort, especially when he's in the car or tired.  So it usually ends up looking a bit disheveled.  Hopefully after today it'll look super cute with a new haircut. :)  I'll be sure to post pics later.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Going Cloth!

That's right, people, soon we will be going cloth, a.k.a. using cloth diapers.  So far I've gotten mixed reactions to this, which is what I expected.  I think we'll get a *lot* more once we actually start using them instead of just talking about them.  As is everything with parenting, others seem to think they need to give their opinion on it.  That's ok..I have my opinions too. :)

I find it kind of funny that people actually care so much.  Well, more surprised that the ones who are against it care so much.  Its fun to talk to other cd'ing mamas and see which cd's work best for them, where they like to buy them, etc.  But those who think they are just gross, an unnecessary burden, etc...umm why do they care?  Are they the ones doing our wash? (If they're volunteering for that chore I wont make them do the diapers, promise! haha!)  If not, why do they really care?  Especially those people who do not know what cloth diapers are like today.  They are not like they used to be when I was little or when our parents were babies.  They are sooo much better and different now.  Most of them are as easy as disposables as far as putting them on, and those that aren't as "easy" are still not difficult.  They hold up very, very well and can be used for multiple children.  Many of them have various sizes so that the very same diaper can be used for the same baby as they grow.  Yes, it can be expensive to get started, but once you have your stash, you get to the point where you dont have to buy anymore (although just like baby clothes, even though we have *enough* I still buy cute ones!).  Pretty soon no more diaper costs! How cool is that?!

Gone are the days where you had to use pins and rubber pants to cloth dipe...I've already picked out two Mickey fabrics and a Toy Story fabric for diaper covers. They really are so, so cute.

 *And!* they have great re-sale value, so after we are done, we can sell them and make something back.  All in exchange for some extra laundry and some adjustment as we get used to using them and finding out which ones work best for us.  Hey, we did that (and continue to) with disposables (the adjusting part), so what's the difference?

I'm not a huge environmentalist.  But if you think about how many diapers are thrown away each year and the fact that those diapers are sloooow to decompose...well, I don't really like that thought.  So if I can help out in this small way, sign me up.

Many testify that it can also help with potty training.  Disposables diapers today are so good at whisking away the moisture that babies don't really feel it.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  But with cloth, the child feels the moisture more, usually doesnt like it, and can tell when they are urinating.  As excited as I am to do the cloth diapers, I'll be super excited when Oliver is out of diapers completely!

And with our future babies, we can start with cloth at the beginning.  :)

We co-sleep. I babywear.  We don't spank.  And now we cloth diaper.  Are we "odd" enough for you yet? :) :) :)

Godly Convictions

Since we started attending non-denominational churches I have heard people talk about Godly convictions.  God putting convictions on their heart.  Etc etc etc.. And I never thought I knew what they were talking about.

Until today.  Today it hit me that being a stay-at-home-mom is my Godly conviction.

This week has been awful.  Oliver is just not himself.  Taking him out of the house is a nightmare.  Yesterday we went to Fort Wayne and we were barely in the cake store when he starts screaming and trying to hit me.  Who is this child?!  The workers at the cake store know us and they were even feeling sorry for me, I could tell.  The beginning of the week was worse; I think he was teething.  I took him to the chiropractor on Tuesday and things eased up a little.  I didn't feel like I need to give him Tylenol to make it through the day now, lol.  Some parts of the day are wonderful and others make me cry.  Literally. 

The toddler bed thing has been...interesting.  Its soooo hard to get Oliver just to lay down and not kick everything. (Including my face.)  But he finally settles down and sleeps about half the night there.  Naptimes are a totally other experience.  I think its bad because he can see everything (unlike at night) so all he wants to do is turn his pillow over and over, play with his blankets and stuffed animals...so every day this week we have started off trying to get him to lay in his bed and then me laying down with him.  I'm just beside myself on how to help him.  I feel like I'm at a roadblock.  When I try to keep him from kicking me and everything else during his naps he just laughs.  I know he obviously isnt laughing *at* me, but its just so frustrating.  I don't know how to reach thru this to him.

Anyway, back to this Godly conviction.  I never understood how moms could go back to work.  well, not so much that.  I never understood how moms could put their children in daycare especially, or at a baby-sitter, unless they were in a situation where they absolutely *had* to work...and I'm not talking about working so they can go on vacations, buy designer purses, etc.  Sometimes it would be nice to interact with adults on a regular basis; to have real conversations; to feel like I was more than an extension of a 22-month-old. 

Needless to say there are times when I don't enjoy being home all day, every day.  Sometimes its hard for me to express how hard my days can be. Like no one gets it.  Like even if someone was in my shoes for a few days, they wouldnt get it because they would know that their time was limited to dealing with the everyday struggles.  My time seems to be never-ending.

But then Oliver gives me a kiss; I watch him as he sleeps...and I know that I am exactly where I need to be.  No matter how many screaming fits I put up with in a day;  no matter how many days I dont shower. 

God has impressed it upon my heart that as a mother, I need to be home with my child.  At times, that makes it hard for me to reach out at all, but then God seems to know that I need help and is able to push me along.  Today Pastor Jeff called me just to see how I was doing.  He told me that I *need* a break and it is not just a luxury.  I told him its hard for me not to get in the mindset that he is my child, my responsibility and no one else's.  He said something I'll never forget.  He said, "No, its all of our responsibility.  When you get to feeling like that, we want to be there to help you. We love you."  He had to be able to tell I was crying after that, but thats ok.  That was a wonderful call to get.

I always wondered, what if God put a calling on my heart that I really didn't want to follow?  That I didn't think was for me?  Would I be able to follow it?  I can now say YES.

I never thought I'd be a stay-at-home-mom.  I was (and still am) proud of my honors degree in history.  I had ever intention to get my PhD and teach college.  Sure, kids would come in the mix somewhere.  A couple kids, probably..definitely no more than 3.  Even when I was pregnant with Oliver, I thought I would be ok going to work after he was a few months old. 

The minute he was placed in my arms after he was born, my entire life changed forever.  I knew I never wanted to leave him.  I had no doubt that I would be a stay-at-home-mom for a long, long time.  And that Oliver would just be the first of many children we would have.

My parents are wonderful.  I appreciate them now more than ever.  But I was not raised in a house where God was part of everyday conversations.  Church was a weekly event, for awhile, but I did not have faith.  I had religion.  I want Oliver to be raised with faith.  And if I'm not home to do that, I don't know that it will be done.  I want to know my children inside and out.  I want to know how they react to situations and teach them that while they will answer to me and their daddy, they will also ultimately answer to the Lord.  I want to build their character and not leave that job up to someone else.

This conviction is so strong that it feels outside of myself.  I don't think it would have been something I would have chosen. (3 years ago I would not have thought this is where my life would be.)  And yet now I wouldn't change a thing.  I rely on God's grace and mercy to get me through the days where I cant see beyond the four walls I'm surrounded by.

So even when I think about how much easier our finances would be with a second income, or I wish that someone else had to deal with the meltdowns instead of me all day every day, I know that I'm not going anywhere. 

Like I said, I'm exactly where I need to be.