No Go

Boy, I went back and forth all day on the house that we looked at yesterday.  For a big part of the day I was for it.  But by the end of the day, I wasn't.  Its not that I'm even against it.  But I'm not totally for it either.  I so badly wanted to make it work that I found myself finding reasons why it would work and be ok.  But in the end, I just dont feel great about it.  A few things I really loved about it- especially the yard- but as my mom pointed out "you can't love the yard and dislike the house- you arent living in the backyard!"  True true. The one bathroom and it being downstairs really was a drawback, as was the window AC that we had to supply.  So much I liked, but it just didnt weigh out enough.  So we are back to square 1.  I'm not sure that we ever left it, to be honest.

Oh gosh, I wonder how late Olive will sleep tomorrow.  He has slept late every day this week and hasnt napped 3 of the 4 days so far.  Today he slept til 10:20, didnt nap, went swimming twice, and fell asleep on Daddy's shoulder while he was being carried into the apt.  He must have been super tired because that is not like him at all. He is such a super sweetie.

This morning I got in the shower around 10 and I left our bedrom door open (where he was sleeping) and the bathroom door so that if he woke up he could find me.  Well, I was almost done in the shower and I heard him whimpering.  I peeked around the curtain and he was standing in the doorway, bottom lip stuck out, holding onto the remote control and saying "Pooh?  Pooh?"  he wanted to watch Pooh Bear.  Lately he has wanted to watch that in our room every morning.  Oh my gosh it was soooo cute! I think if I had just turned on Pooh Bear before i got in the shower he would have just laid in there and watched it and not even cared that he woke up with me gone, LOL.  Oh, he is such a sweet baby.  I adore him!! <3

Struggling

...with living in this dang apt.  Is anyone tired of hearing me say this yet? I just cant get over it. I dont know how to be happy living in a place where everything is literally falling apart around us. I hate it.  There's no way to make this place feel like home because there's no room to breathe. I  feel like I'm in such a craphole. 

We went and looked at a house tonight. It was ok-nothing great.  Its hard because we found what seemed to be the perfect house a couple weeks ago but they rented it to someone else.  So everything is being compared to that in my mind.  I did like the backyard of this house a lot better.  Its huge-perfect for Oliver.  Lots of living space-even though its a 2 story.  The upstairs just has 2 bedrooms and closet space.  Cons: 1 bathroom, no dishwasher.  Not a ton of cabinet space in the kitchen, but um hello, have you SEEN my kitchen? I realized the other night that if I really look at my kitchen , I have ZERO counter space to work on stuff.  My kitchen counterspace is overtaken by my microwave, KA mixer, dish drainer, and random utensils.  I can barely set a gallon of milk on the counter without it tipping over.  Everything I do has to be done on my little "microwave" stand that has become my cake/cookie station.  Which is unbelievably small.  I hate it!!!!!! 

(Have I mentioned that?)

Our laptop is home!

Thank goodness.  I have missed it!  It had some sort of virus so it was in the shop for awhile.  Especially with my cakes and cookies blog and facebook page, I check the internet several times a day.
So the house by the university didnt pan out at all.  When we called they said they had already rented it.  Why does that keep happening to us?! I'm beyond ready to get out of this place...have I mentioned that?!
Otherwise things have been going well, I guess.  Nothing exciting which is probably good.  I'll update more later, I really need to clean up our downstairs. Two tornados (Oliver, and my baking) have gone through here over the past day or so!

quick update

Just a quick update to say that we are going to look into another house hopefully tomorrow. We drove by it tonight and it looks nice from the outside, is located by the university (which isnt a bad thing--unlike at ball state! lol), so hopefully we'll hear back from the realtor tomorrow.
Jay had the day off today and we took Oliver to the zoo. then he got to go swimming- twice!- at Jays parents so heres hoping he sleeps great the rest of the night!

Oh, and totally random, but I am *LOVING* the cloth diapers on Oliver. Its so cool to think that we could pretty much be done buying diapers. I'm sure I'll add to our stash a little at a time but I'm getting to the point where I don't even like to use disposables anymore. I was only going to do cloth part time but I'm ready to do it full time. Which means I'll have to add some more so that I have enough to make it in between laundry times, but I really wont need too many more. I'm so glad we made the switch!

Still Living in a "compartment"

So on Tuesday of last week we looked at a rental house and **Loved** it.  It was in the perfect location.  It had a playroom.  Which had one whole wall lined with built in cabinets which would have been perfect for Oliver's toys.  It was 3 bedroom, one of which had built-in bookcases. (And if you know me, you know I own practically a small library. lol)  One and a half baths, and the full bath had two sinks and a huge vanity area.  Nice front porch area and a fenced in back yard.  New central air.  A one-car garage that had enough room also for some storage.

So we go to look at it on Tuesday, and the realtor gets some information from us such as Jay's work history and wages and said he was basically determining if we would be able to afford it.  (Which we could.)  He said there were others who had looked at it that day and the owner wanted to meet with those of us interested and then decide.

I prayed my heart out.  I seriously have never prayed Heaven down like I did last week.

Wednesday passed.  No word.

Thursday passed.  No word.

Friday I couldn't stand it.  Jay called and asked to talk to Jim, the realtor about the house, and the lady who answered the phone said that Jim was out and the house had been rented on Thursday.

I was devastated.  I'll admit it.  Crushed.  Jay made the call at the beginning of our drive down to my mom's and I cried for most of the hour and a half drive down to Indy.

Boy was I struggling.  I know God's timing is perfect, and I even prayed that if it wasn't meant to be that God would keep us out of there.  Which is exactly what he did.  But man I thought for sure it was meant to be. 

Today I'm feeling much better.  If that house wasn't the right one for us, I can't wait to see what is!  God must have something awesome in store for us.  I can't wait to get to it.....

Pray that we get out of this crappy "compartment" soon.  I can barely stand living there.  Going "home" is not relaxing or enjoyable.  We spend as much time away from there as we can.  We are rarely ever home for a night.  I am embarassed to have people come over.  I will go far out of my way to avoid having people come over.  Its not that bad, really, but its cramped and I am just not proud of it, I guess you could say.  I want some place that I have some pride in.  Maybe that's my problem?  Maybe I shouldn't be storing my treasures here on Earth but storing them in Heaven?  But don't you also think God wants us to feel good here, too?

I go round and round with these kind of questions.  "God, please get us into a home soon.  Please."

"But God, its not about the material stuff, really."

Really.

Oliver's new Rumparooz!!!!!

Now tell me that diaper isnt too cute?!?!

Our first attempt didnt go well because I didnt have the insert folded correctly when I put it in.  These have an insert that you can fold specifically to give extra in front for boys. Well, I did that wrong and he wet through while getting ready to fall asleep.  Second attempt tonight was successful.  They are too cute!  I'm already hooked on cloth diapers.  I can't wait until I have a good stock and can give up on using disposables.  I'm sure I'll still have to use them occasionally, but I hate the feel of them after feeling the cloth diapers.  The CD's must feel so much more comfortable on him! I want him to feel that instead of the "plastic"y feel of 'sposies.

I think it might be hard for some guys to understand what I mean by plastic-y feel.  But c'mon ladies, all of us have had to wear a pad at one point or another, so we know how it feels.  Not exactly the most comfortable thing, eh?

Big Boy Haircut

Before... (he didnt want his picture taken)

And after!

(he looks a bit disheveled with the baggy shirt, but doesnt his hair look adorable?!)

Oliver...

...is getting his first hair cut today at 4:45.  Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous about it.  The child does not sit still easily.  at all.  So this is going to be interesting.  Its taken me about two months to work up the nerve to get this done, so its about time to get it over with.  It wont be cut short (probably ever!) because his curls are too adorable.  I did have a nightmare the other night that my grandmother shaved his head!  LOL  But the top is getting so long and scraggly, its not the cute shaggy look anymore.  Especially since he likes to play with his hair and pull at it for comfort, especially when he's in the car or tired.  So it usually ends up looking a bit disheveled.  Hopefully after today it'll look super cute with a new haircut. :)  I'll be sure to post pics later.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Going Cloth!

That's right, people, soon we will be going cloth, a.k.a. using cloth diapers.  So far I've gotten mixed reactions to this, which is what I expected.  I think we'll get a *lot* more once we actually start using them instead of just talking about them.  As is everything with parenting, others seem to think they need to give their opinion on it.  That's ok..I have my opinions too. :)

I find it kind of funny that people actually care so much.  Well, more surprised that the ones who are against it care so much.  Its fun to talk to other cd'ing mamas and see which cd's work best for them, where they like to buy them, etc.  But those who think they are just gross, an unnecessary burden, etc...umm why do they care?  Are they the ones doing our wash? (If they're volunteering for that chore I wont make them do the diapers, promise! haha!)  If not, why do they really care?  Especially those people who do not know what cloth diapers are like today.  They are not like they used to be when I was little or when our parents were babies.  They are sooo much better and different now.  Most of them are as easy as disposables as far as putting them on, and those that aren't as "easy" are still not difficult.  They hold up very, very well and can be used for multiple children.  Many of them have various sizes so that the very same diaper can be used for the same baby as they grow.  Yes, it can be expensive to get started, but once you have your stash, you get to the point where you dont have to buy anymore (although just like baby clothes, even though we have *enough* I still buy cute ones!).  Pretty soon no more diaper costs! How cool is that?!

Gone are the days where you had to use pins and rubber pants to cloth dipe...I've already picked out two Mickey fabrics and a Toy Story fabric for diaper covers. They really are so, so cute.

 *And!* they have great re-sale value, so after we are done, we can sell them and make something back.  All in exchange for some extra laundry and some adjustment as we get used to using them and finding out which ones work best for us.  Hey, we did that (and continue to) with disposables (the adjusting part), so what's the difference?

I'm not a huge environmentalist.  But if you think about how many diapers are thrown away each year and the fact that those diapers are sloooow to decompose...well, I don't really like that thought.  So if I can help out in this small way, sign me up.

Many testify that it can also help with potty training.  Disposables diapers today are so good at whisking away the moisture that babies don't really feel it.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  But with cloth, the child feels the moisture more, usually doesnt like it, and can tell when they are urinating.  As excited as I am to do the cloth diapers, I'll be super excited when Oliver is out of diapers completely!

And with our future babies, we can start with cloth at the beginning.  :)

We co-sleep. I babywear.  We don't spank.  And now we cloth diaper.  Are we "odd" enough for you yet? :) :) :)

Godly Convictions

Since we started attending non-denominational churches I have heard people talk about Godly convictions.  God putting convictions on their heart.  Etc etc etc.. And I never thought I knew what they were talking about.

Until today.  Today it hit me that being a stay-at-home-mom is my Godly conviction.

This week has been awful.  Oliver is just not himself.  Taking him out of the house is a nightmare.  Yesterday we went to Fort Wayne and we were barely in the cake store when he starts screaming and trying to hit me.  Who is this child?!  The workers at the cake store know us and they were even feeling sorry for me, I could tell.  The beginning of the week was worse; I think he was teething.  I took him to the chiropractor on Tuesday and things eased up a little.  I didn't feel like I need to give him Tylenol to make it through the day now, lol.  Some parts of the day are wonderful and others make me cry.  Literally. 

The toddler bed thing has been...interesting.  Its soooo hard to get Oliver just to lay down and not kick everything. (Including my face.)  But he finally settles down and sleeps about half the night there.  Naptimes are a totally other experience.  I think its bad because he can see everything (unlike at night) so all he wants to do is turn his pillow over and over, play with his blankets and stuffed animals...so every day this week we have started off trying to get him to lay in his bed and then me laying down with him.  I'm just beside myself on how to help him.  I feel like I'm at a roadblock.  When I try to keep him from kicking me and everything else during his naps he just laughs.  I know he obviously isnt laughing *at* me, but its just so frustrating.  I don't know how to reach thru this to him.

Anyway, back to this Godly conviction.  I never understood how moms could go back to work.  well, not so much that.  I never understood how moms could put their children in daycare especially, or at a baby-sitter, unless they were in a situation where they absolutely *had* to work...and I'm not talking about working so they can go on vacations, buy designer purses, etc.  Sometimes it would be nice to interact with adults on a regular basis; to have real conversations; to feel like I was more than an extension of a 22-month-old. 

Needless to say there are times when I don't enjoy being home all day, every day.  Sometimes its hard for me to express how hard my days can be. Like no one gets it.  Like even if someone was in my shoes for a few days, they wouldnt get it because they would know that their time was limited to dealing with the everyday struggles.  My time seems to be never-ending.

But then Oliver gives me a kiss; I watch him as he sleeps...and I know that I am exactly where I need to be.  No matter how many screaming fits I put up with in a day;  no matter how many days I dont shower. 

God has impressed it upon my heart that as a mother, I need to be home with my child.  At times, that makes it hard for me to reach out at all, but then God seems to know that I need help and is able to push me along.  Today Pastor Jeff called me just to see how I was doing.  He told me that I *need* a break and it is not just a luxury.  I told him its hard for me not to get in the mindset that he is my child, my responsibility and no one else's.  He said something I'll never forget.  He said, "No, its all of our responsibility.  When you get to feeling like that, we want to be there to help you. We love you."  He had to be able to tell I was crying after that, but thats ok.  That was a wonderful call to get.

I always wondered, what if God put a calling on my heart that I really didn't want to follow?  That I didn't think was for me?  Would I be able to follow it?  I can now say YES.

I never thought I'd be a stay-at-home-mom.  I was (and still am) proud of my honors degree in history.  I had ever intention to get my PhD and teach college.  Sure, kids would come in the mix somewhere.  A couple kids, probably..definitely no more than 3.  Even when I was pregnant with Oliver, I thought I would be ok going to work after he was a few months old. 

The minute he was placed in my arms after he was born, my entire life changed forever.  I knew I never wanted to leave him.  I had no doubt that I would be a stay-at-home-mom for a long, long time.  And that Oliver would just be the first of many children we would have.

My parents are wonderful.  I appreciate them now more than ever.  But I was not raised in a house where God was part of everyday conversations.  Church was a weekly event, for awhile, but I did not have faith.  I had religion.  I want Oliver to be raised with faith.  And if I'm not home to do that, I don't know that it will be done.  I want to know my children inside and out.  I want to know how they react to situations and teach them that while they will answer to me and their daddy, they will also ultimately answer to the Lord.  I want to build their character and not leave that job up to someone else.

This conviction is so strong that it feels outside of myself.  I don't think it would have been something I would have chosen. (3 years ago I would not have thought this is where my life would be.)  And yet now I wouldn't change a thing.  I rely on God's grace and mercy to get me through the days where I cant see beyond the four walls I'm surrounded by.

So even when I think about how much easier our finances would be with a second income, or I wish that someone else had to deal with the meltdowns instead of me all day every day, I know that I'm not going anywhere. 

Like I said, I'm exactly where I need to be.